Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:5

A core struggle in my effort to live a Christian life is grappling with the shame I carried into the faith from my pre-Christian days. Modern man swims in a shame-filled swamp of cultural expectations and rules of behavior that encourage attacks on the self-worth of any who do not conform. We impulsively pass judgment on ourselves and others hundreds of times each day for failing to live up to expectations handed down by marketing agencies and propagandists. It’s very difficult to escape the trap of using the faith’s rules and guidelines as another tool to bludgeon a soul -ours or another- into compliance with the shame-based image of who our the world has deemed we should be.

Using religion to shame others is a common trope, both in media and real life. I’ve read hundreds of anecdotes from people who fell away from the Christian denomination of their birth with bitter memories of being terrorized by forebodings of hell and harsh discipline for childhood curiosity. Deeming someone a bad person because they’re not living the fullness of the Christian life is harmful to both the accuser and the accused. The accused, as mentioned, often sours on the idea of religion entirely and hardens their heart to Christ. The accuser is bears responsibility for playing a part in this and is likely neglecting the state of their own soul as they project their shame onto others. If we don’t cast the beam out of our own eye, we will always see it in our field of view whenever we gaze at another person.

As an aside, this does not mean we aren’t able to evaluate or judge the actions of a person as harmful or beneficial. Taking the idea of “do not judge” to a context-stripped, literal extreme means that you would be unable to assess the character of anyone you meet and become unable to determine if any decision or behavior ought to be participated in or avoided. Firm and kind guidance from a place of care is much different in quality from accusatory barbs aimed at diminishing a person’s appraisal of his inherent self-worth.

Remember, the ‘I’ you experience life as is a person too. The trap of shaming and casting judgments on others is difficult to avoid, however shame-based behaviors are even more insidious when oneself is the target. Christ does not condemn us for having a beam in our eye; He is warning us against hypocrisy of pointing out the flaws of others while our own struggles go unaddressed.

For example, it is easy to contrast the meager spiritual practices we carry out in the modern day with those of the great exemplars of our faith. I feel insecure and unworthy when I read about the Saints or even the ascetic practices of early Christian laity. It’s easy to think less of ourselves when our minds are stuck in a state of constant comparison. Then we become snared by the idea that we are unworthy in our current state and we must do more and more and more to address our unworthiness. We must prostrate; we must pray; we must read scripture every night… which is good… Except the behavior is not coming from a place of love; but shame and unworthiness. The beams in our eyes blur our vision and take us away from the ultimate spiritual goal of opening our heart to God. By turning the Christian praxis into another tool to bludgeon our souls with shame, we will conform to the appearance of the faith, but our true, hidden aim is to make ourselves worthy in our own eyes, not to draw closer to God.

Whether it manifests in our judgments of the others or ourselves, shame is about closing off parts of our being from relationship and keeping the parts deemed ‘bad’ private and hidden away. Our shame makes us reject the Holy Spirit from entering into the vulnerable and wounded pieces of our souls. We foolishly put limits on God’s love for us by saying that He must wait until we are ready and properly conformed to an ideal that we created before we can be willing to open ourselves to Him.

A singular Jesus prayer, undertaken with the desire of opening one’s heart to Christ, means more than any streak of Church attendance, any amount of prostrations and prayers, or any lengthy vigil aimed at conforming to your personal mental ideal of what a Christian should be. So we struggle to keep our eyes on Christ.